Stupid bird.
Big test today
Pray for me guys!
Day 02.
What about your friends?
Is it okay to have a non-believer as a friend? It’s 6 o’clock in the morning and I find myself asking this this question out of the blue. One of my greatest friends is a non-believer, she claims to believe there is a higher power but doesn’t know what it is. Of course we’ve had our arguments and so forth but we’ve grown so much with each other that we’ve learned to put it aside, but it saddens me knowing that I might not see her in heaven, and many other people that I love.
What about friends who are setting me back on being the Christian that I strive to be? When I first got saved I was doing good at cutting those people off, not talking to them as much and all that. But I began getting calls saying how they wish I talked to them more, wondering why I just dropped them out of the blue, and wondering if they did something. And that hurt me that I let them down as a friend. I always thought I could just be straight forward and be like “Hey guys, I’m trying to get closer to Christ so I can’t talk to you anymore.” … but I’m ashamed to say I’m afraid how they’d look at me. I end up talking back to them… hanging out and find myself feeling guilty for doing so when I go back home. Is it possible to hang out with sinners and don’t sin… or will it just rub off on you eventually?
What about that friend who believes in Christ, claims to be a Christian, but doesn’t go to church, read the Bible, or barely even pray? My best friend ever… when I first got saved I used to speak to her about becoming a strong Christian… these weren’t her exact words but she basically thought she was doing enough. She’s a virgin (not necessarily waiting until marriage), doesn’t drink or do drugs, doesn’t curse much, and believes in Christ.
What about those friends who think you do too much? They believe in Christ, go to church every now and then and all that good stuff. But when I first got saved there was one friend in particular who seemed overwhelmed by it. If I said something about sin, the Bible, God I’d be doing “too much”. When I didn’t want to listen to a song by a secular artist I was doing “too much”… and basically turning him away from me.
It’s over now, I feel like I can make it… the storm is over now.
mmmeggit asked: Hello sister! Thank you for the follow!
Looking forward to seeing more from your blog! :)
Be blessed!
You’re welcome!
And I keep telling, telling, telling myself that my bad luck is gonna go away.
Any I keep trying, trying, trying to win but i’m losing everyday
I try to get up and fight but I don’t have the time I’m too busy feeling sorry for me…
Day 01.
Part 2
It’s hard to pray.
I’ve just returned home from a long day at school and my grandma’s house. Unlike most days I spent most of today with a frown on my face. I wasn’t exactly in a horrible mood, it was just that I wasn’t used to feeling my true feelings from numbing them all the time. Writing my last blog post before class is what caused that, but I don’t regret it.
School at the moment isn’t going as well as I would like it to at the moment. I’m behind on online math work and haven’t even started the book I should be reading for history that I have to do a paper on, I have a major test coming up that I haven’t studied for (or have all the notes). A simple solution to this would be just to pray.
But I can’t… I can’t pray without thinking that I haven’t done enough for Him to have my prayers being answered… and even if they were answered I wouldn’t deserve it. It doesn’t even feel the same praying anymore as it was when I was saved. I felt so safe and secure in prayer, like God was listening to every thing I was saying. But now it feels like no one is listening because I don’t even deserve an ear to hear what I’m crying for.
On top of the homework thing I know I need to start reading the Bible again, picked up where I left off. Luckily I don’t find the Bible boring, it’s just hard to get myself to start reading it.
I’ll try praying again tonight, hopefully I’ll feel something.
Day 01.
Today I decided to start my whole blog over. I deleted all of my post (not that there were many) and decided to start on a whole new theme. I plan on keeping myself anonymous, only one or two of you may realize who I am.
This blog is only going to be about me and my daily journey to get close to Christ. I plan on being honest on this blog about my day to day activities, where I’m struggling, and how I’m improving. I encourage you all to ask questions and reply to posts, I’d really like that. Right now at this point in my life I feel really alone and need encouragement.
——
Part 1.
Today I sat on the shuttle that takes me back and forth to school everyday, angry. Why was I angry? Simply because I couldn’t find the other shoe I wanted to wear with my outfit and had to settle with others that match perfectly fine… It took me a few minutes of being upset to realize how silly I was being about a petty thing. In my mind I was thinking that this whole thing is going to ruin my day. Something in my head brought me back to when I was saved, I would have never been mad… just thankful that I could find matching shoes at that point to hop on the shuttle in time.
I became saved in the summer of last year, with influence of a friend. It was the best time of my life, I never felt happier and more positive about life than when I did then. I miss that feeling so much… I don’t know how the devil wrapped me back up with him so fast. I was doing well with ignoring lustful thoughts, not cursing, and other things that I needed to fresh up on. Now it’s all back, back to the same old me that I used to be and it hurts so much to think about how far I’ve fallen.
It’s gotten to the point where sometimes I feel like I’m not even worthy to pray anymore. I know He’s never done forgiving but I just feel like I’m being selfish when I pray because I’ve done nothing to deserve anything.
I miss that feeling of secureness. I miss that feeling of God always around me, and loving him as much as I did. I still love him… but I’m not showing it. I can’t even call myself a Christian to anyone without them giving me the side eye. I miss being that person who was an example to other people who so desperately wanted to find Christ but didn’t know how to being so young.
The thing I miss the most is being happy. Everyone thinks I’m the happiest person in the world now, always smiling, greeting everyone… that’s how I was when I got saved and I’m still the same way now. But the difference is I’m just pretending. Pretending to be this happy person that loves everyone but behind that smile and those nice things I say I could care less about your day now. I could care less about any pain you’re feeling because it has nothing to with my life.
It hurts so much to admit that…
